"illusion is the first of all pleasures"

and then you wake up
only to realize your life for the past year is killing you slowly, and stealing your sanity...
...when i never had much sanity to begin with...


well, today i actually feel it. it only felt like a weekend off, but now i feel the relief of not going back to the coffee shop ever again...it's like i've lost 10lbs...
10lbs of stress, anxiety, hatred, depression, confusion and guilt and balled into one lump i kept in the back of my throat, but couldn't swallow. well, now it's swallowed, digested, and passed through...the perfect metaphor for Cool Beans Cafe: a piece of shit.

intimidation isn't a safe work environment. how do you take the best job ever and turn it into a nightmare??? i never realized i worked with a child, a spoiled child at that, who throws tantrums when they don't get their way. i suppose i'll be able to recognize the symptoms and signs next time, and save myself, instead of throwing myself into the pit of fire, where i just kept clawing at nothing, until realization hit, and i grasped ahold, pulling myself out of the pit of hell. i'm a little singed, slightly scarred, but my sanity has started to take back over, and my head isn't spinning anymore.

if not for my beaner girls, i think i'd be in an asylum...

karma's going to bite her in the ass