tis the season...

...for bicycle accidents???

most days humanity's ignorance angers me into wanting to scream (or actually screaming, instead of just 'wanting' to) but there are those few days when the stupidity goes so above and beyond that i'm not angered at all, just severely irrated, so much to render me speechless...

riding to the post office, most days i ride the street since i have my road bike, but yesterday i chose to ride a more leisurely pace, so i hopped on my guy's bike (which is still somewhat in the process of being built--handlebars need to be cut down and have grips put on them...) and rode the sidewalk down. this should have made all motorists happy, since normally they're screaming at me to get out of the road (assholes) but, alas, one can never win in a small town...

i get to my intersection before the post office, there is a car waiting for traffic in the crosswalk (typical) so i opt on going behind this woman in her nice suv, so that "i won't be in anyone's way" (although she's obviously in mine, and any other pedestrian's)...but i digress...

she sees she is in my way and starts to pull out into traffic, so i start to go straight across the walk...until she stops short, and my (well, technically, my guy's) handlebars are in her tail light, along with my hand...and then i see her reverse lights come on...panic...so i hit her vehicle to let her know i'm still there...HELLO! stangely, my hand that went through the light is fine, but my arm took the impact...

she doesn't get out of her car, or roll down the window, she just keeps makin an apologetic face, so i say "i thought you were going...you shouldn't have stopped" and she asked if i was okay...now i can't be angry and scream at her stupidity...just be annoyed by it...and say nothing...

so here's the lesson, if you've already raced up into the crosswalk, just stay there, we'll go around you (although i will admit, if i'm in a mood i'll walk in front of you, instead of behind! muwahahaha!) and once you start pulling out into traffic, commit to it! or else you'll end up with a broken taillight too!
and i end up with an extremely sore arm...

bakery tales; part 1

The consumer is rarely right.

at least in the story of bakery life.

now i know why bakers get a reputation of being assholes, you HAVE to be.



rule of thumb, if someone's coming into a bakery they're (at least semi)wealthy, otherwise they'd be buying their bakery from giant eagle. no, people come in to get specialty items, meaning they have the money to spend and the attitude that goes with any ignorant rich jerk who think they know everything about everything. one woman even went so far as to call herself a 'cake connoissuer' whatever-you're a stay at home mom, with too much money and time on your hands, and not enough adult interaction. i don't want to hear about how much you know about cake, or cinnamon rolls, or whatever. if you knew so much you'd be making them at home. not buying them from us.



really, the job isn't as bad as it sounds. it's fantastic really. i mean what could be better than making sweets all day. exactly-nothing. but some days, people can really make you wonder how the human race has survived this long.



example: (true story)

bride calls during her bridal shower, says she's worried about the wedding cake b/c her shower cake is turning everyone's teeth blue.

us: "you ordered blue frosting for your bridal cake"

her:" i'm worried my wedding guests will be walking around with blue teeth"

we dig out her file;

us: "you ordered white frosting on your wedding cake"

silence for like 10 seconds

her: "but if this cake turned their teeth blue, will my wedding cake??"

us: "your bridal cake is blue, that's why their teeth are blue, it's food coloring , your wedding cake is not blue, it is white"

and it went on like this...until either she figured it out, or was too confused to argue anymore....i just don't even know what to say to this...

i've never seen this bride, but i hope that she is drop dead gorgeous, considering she obviously has NO brains. her beauty must be why whoever is marrying her is sticking around, b/c talking to her was like talking to a brick wall...

best wishes on a long and fruitful marriage--i think she'll need it!

Alaska's Independence Day

so palin resigned. of course she plays the usual republican game and won't give an answer why.
at first i thought maybe it was b/c we all found out how much of alaska's taxpayers money was going to her and her family's personal use, like her wardrobe, plane rides, ect. but no, i hear even worse rumors, that she may be quitting to put all of her energy into prepping for the presidency in 2012.
really? was that a good idea? hopefully others see, once a quitter, always a quitter, if she leaves early from being a governor, will she duck out early from the white house (IF she even got in) when the going gets tough???
she was never qualified for ANY of this, she needs to tuck tail, admit defeat and stay hidden from politics. she was only selected by mccain b/c she's a female, and mccain wanted the woman majority. well, we saw through it! we're not ignorant. he selected a beauty queen who hates women so much she thinks we shouldn't have a choice with our own body! she's beauty first and brains second, so that men would drool, and women would be duped. well, we weren't. and we won't be fooled this time either.
just give it a break palin.
your publicity stunts don't hide the fact that you're under qualifed to lead america. we need a REAL woman!

endless black sky

we were discussing how we skipped decades. how we went from drunk and outrageous to wanting to sit on a front porch swing and till the garden.
today i feel it even more, or i know i will feel it even more when we go to the conor oberst show and there's going to be 500 screeching teeny-boppers that will annoy the fuck out of me. i still say we scalp the tickets, come home, and go for a bike ride. not that i won't love to see a good show, but we're going to have to listen to the crummy bands before, listen to drunk assholes, and stand the entire time, then come home late...

what am i? like 80 or something?

i was walking to the bakery shoppe today for a bagel and almost turned around to yell at noisy kids, it was like nails on a chalkboard. they were screaming at people driving by in cars, and just screaming around in general, it echoed through my skull like a jackhammer

i want to go back home to the porch and my mutt.

we need to move out of this shithole, if i hear another fight tonight i swear i'm getting out of bed and beating the shit out of everyone involved, i don't care the situation. you don't start fights and scream when it's past midnight to wake up the whole goddamn neighborhood. it's just not polite. and i'm a stickler for etiquette...ha! at least they weren't slamming doors in the hall this time...just squealing their tires...but at least then i know they're gone.

today's so dreary. where's my summer????
everyone's dying and the days are dark
i'm sure of it
the apocolypse has arrived

the reality of the matter...

i like how everyone did nothing but talk shit about micheal jackson, about what a child molester he was, about how his face was falling apart, about holding his child off a balcony, about everything everywhere in the tabloids; but as soon as he dies FB is covered in "RIP MICHEAL JACKSON!" or "MICHEAL JACKSON: YOU WILL BE MISSED"

it's bullshit. yeah, we got it, you're up on your current events, so is the rest of the goddamn world. i hate it when celebrities die, because somehow their death is more important than anyone else's. my grandpa died the same day, yesterday, and no one's making a big deal about that. people die, and it sucks. i do understand celebrities bring alot to our lives in different artistic manners, but to talk shit about a guy for the past 10 years, and then all of a sudden worship him, download all his music, and youtube every video he's ever made.

i can spell hippocrite. how about you???

"illusion is the first of all pleasures"

and then you wake up
only to realize your life for the past year is killing you slowly, and stealing your sanity...
...when i never had much sanity to begin with...


well, today i actually feel it. it only felt like a weekend off, but now i feel the relief of not going back to the coffee shop ever again...it's like i've lost 10lbs...
10lbs of stress, anxiety, hatred, depression, confusion and guilt and balled into one lump i kept in the back of my throat, but couldn't swallow. well, now it's swallowed, digested, and passed through...the perfect metaphor for Cool Beans Cafe: a piece of shit.

intimidation isn't a safe work environment. how do you take the best job ever and turn it into a nightmare??? i never realized i worked with a child, a spoiled child at that, who throws tantrums when they don't get their way. i suppose i'll be able to recognize the symptoms and signs next time, and save myself, instead of throwing myself into the pit of fire, where i just kept clawing at nothing, until realization hit, and i grasped ahold, pulling myself out of the pit of hell. i'm a little singed, slightly scarred, but my sanity has started to take back over, and my head isn't spinning anymore.

if not for my beaner girls, i think i'd be in an asylum...

karma's going to bite her in the ass

petition to sterilize the human race...

this woman comes into the coffee shop everyday, either to the big store or the drive thru across the street, but every day she gets her mocha. this lady is quite chatty and likes to tell me all about her life/family/job/anything/EVERYTHING that i don't care about. like how her son who is in middle school is ADD, how he got suspended for "stalking" a girl...and things of that nature, and then she buys him a medium coffee before he goes to school today

does this seem off to you? are you picking up on this? her son doesn't have ADD at all...she just ships him off to school every day on a caffeine kick...a cup of coffee has me buzzing around, let alone a 12 yr. old boy


WTF is wrong with people??? she was having him takes meds today for his "ADD" then feeding a cup of coffee!!!



on another note completely....some dickhead stole my debit card number and is spending money in israel

isn't life grande....

stupidity is contagious

and i'm infected.

so the game of survivor that my life has become; i'm still kinda holding on, i'm sure i'll be voted out next, first suze, then myself. but i've got a good strategy going on, at least for the moment, at least long enough to keep gettting a paycheck, for now...i keep thinking quitting is the answer, but maybe holding on until the place falls in on itself, maybe that'll be more interesting...i just hate job hopping, and i've been there over a year.
the main point is i'm stuck in that hellhole for 8 hours with two, YES TWO, blonde bimbos who hate me almost as much as i hate them. i've got a LOT of pent up hostility towards these broads.
and my life now lacks any type of intelligent conversation, i've no stimulant in that place, pour coffee, give change...
i need change

but i guess the tips are good

oh, and i've learned today i suck at xbox 360. i've been holding out playing it and today i see why. just give me my super nintendo, my playstation, the wii....i suck at RE5

media takes over

i really want to meet the people who write THIS shit.
this is the type of cosmopolitan magazine bull that women read and actually believe. i swear this sort of crap is out there just to cause drama, so that you'll keep reading to figure out how to get rid of the drama.
the one that really gets me is -""Keeping the spark alive with three calls, e-mails or texts during each workday": that would drive me insane. if i'm at work and you call, it had better be an emergency. constant texts or calls would only make me think you're calling to 'check up' on me. fuck off, shouldn't you be at work anyway???
or: - "Doing the deed three times per week": what, are we six years old, we can't read the word SEX without blushing?

it's just like those stupid cosmo articles, "good girlfriend behavior" what the hell is that?? like i'm a puppy being trained? you don't like my behavior, you can fuck off!

"Hanging with the Guys Do This:
Watch the game with his friends.Spending an afternoon on the couch with his pals says you're easygoing and cool...and he'll appreciate your making an effort to get to know his boys."
IT ACTUALLY SAYS THAT! "hang with his BOYS and you'll be COOL", WTF, women read this???

or "Could your guy turn violent?"
IS THIS SERIOUS? are they trying to make women paranoid and breakup. especially since first on the list is "He's too nice"
TOO NICE?
i swear people listen to magazines and stupid shows more than their own common sense...
society kills me. i wish i didn't have to be part of it, at least not today...

The letter i can't wait to send

as soon as i find another job, and i'm diligently hunting

To Whom It May Concern,

After being told I am the biggest bitch I have decided it best for both my sanity and your physical well being that I find another job. I have been searching for quite sometime and unfortunately the economy has slowed my progress considerably, otherwise I would've been out that door at a much quicker speed. Considering not all of us have soon-to-be ex-hubands who can buy us all coffee shops that we know nothing about, and pay the employees salaries when you can't afford it yourself, I actually have to WORK for a living. I can't just stand in a bakery all day pretending that I'm working, oh, so hard, and I can't take several 20 minute smoke breaks, or hold "meetings" with random men who enter your establishment. No, I keep my legs closed, which means I actually have to work.

You see, calling an employee a bitch and telling them you can't stand the sight of them, well, that usually makes them unhappy. So does screaming at them at the top your lungs like they are bad dogs, or small children. I am an adult, just talking to me is sufficient.

As if all of the above wasn't enough to push me out the door i find that the night shift leader is making 50 cents more than myself, your manager. That the males at your establishment make much more than the females, and that they told everyone themselves without being asked.
I don't know if you've heard of the Lily Ledbetter Law, but maybe you should look into it. I also feel that after almost a year of you owning this business I should tell you something very important. You didn't buy a Panera franchise. I think you thought you did, since every word out of your mouth is 'THIS is what Panera does' we all thought you'd realize it, but if you haven't by know you never will unless someone tells you.

Also, the reason people don't come in isn't because they think the Dorman's still own it, it's because I've heard SEVERAL people say that you're a "skank" or "trailer trash" and even "a slut." At least 10 women and even more men who were regulars won't come in and have personally told me it's because of you, and the ones who still do come in call you quite colorful things.

Well, it's been an interesting time working for you, to say the least, but it's time I moved on to a more professional place of employment where the owner actually know what they're doing. As someone who hopes to run my own business one day I want to thank you for teaching me exactly how NOT to run a business. This new knowledge is valuable. I have learned how NOT to treat employees who work their asses off for you, and how NOT to run a business into the ground. I have learned that you don't put down how an employee looks, especially in an independently owned coffee house. I learned NOT to throw myself at every man who enters the business and let random men go down in the basement with you to do god knows what.

It will be uplifting to never have to work for work for someone as underhanded, deceitful and lacking in basic human intelligence as you. I am NOT giving 2 weeks notice for the fact that an employee who gave you 2 weeks didn't actually get her 2 weeks, and frankly, you don't deserve any notice, you deserve to drown in your ignorance. Good luck with your endeavers, you're surely going to need it!



K.L.N.

how to become a successful small business owner...

a written guide to start and run your small restaurant/coffee shop(into the ground)

strategic planning:
not only for big business; first, buy a business you know absolutely NOTHING about. this is VERY important. make sure you are completely ignorant about every aspect (i.e. book keeping, ordering, basic business essentials).

next, make sure you have a premo location so many people will enter this business that you know nothing about. if you are a male assert your power and demean every man who enters your new establishment, if you are female dress as inappropriately as possible and throw yourself at every man that enters your business.

if you are buying your business from another owner and planning on keeping it the same type of vocation keep the employees. don't even think about fair pay! any man that starts at your establishment automatically should make more. even more than your soon to be manager. appoint one employee as manager. now you are free of any work and any type of responsiblity. this is very important for you as an owner, you never want any sort of responsibilty on your shoulders, better to let it fall apon the employees so you can fire them at will.
it is very important to make sure this new manager has never had managerial experience so they are less likely to question any whim you throw their way. this way you can walk all over them and push them to the brink, you may go through a lot of managers, but losses are to be expected.

now, this is YOUR business so only make the food/product YOU like; the general public who don't like it don't count anyway, it's not their livelihood.
it is imperative that you find yourself a book keeper that will do you every bidding, paying someone to be your new best friend isn't all that bad, they will do anything you demand because they feel their job depends on it. make sure that become not only a book keeper and team member, but also a personal assistant.

whenever one of your employees does something to your disliking (i.e. not vaccuming good enough, looking cuter than you that day) it is important you scream, at them, do not be afraid to raise your voice, practice in the mirror to make sure your face is full of distain and hatred. don't pull them aside and talk to them, no, scream in front of other employees, or even better, customers. this will really get your point across. make sure you belittle them to the point of almost crying. then treat them like they are your best friend a few hours later, this way they won't be as likely to quit.

also very important, NEVER wait on the customers, NEVER bring yourself down to your employees level. the customers aren't important, just your image is. tell your customers and employees VERY personal things about your life. (i.e. the details of your messy divorce, how much your boob job costs, the woman's name who your husband's been cheating on you with) THIS is how you connect with them, NOT by working.

a significant part of owning a business IS image, especially the inside of your new restaurant/coffee shop. buy lots of unneccesary items (i.e. lamps, new paint job) just things that the business could really do without. spend SO much money on these usless things that you cannot afford to pay your employees (remember that soon-to-be, rich ex-husband? he can pay them instead, since you will still be sleeping with him when needed) your employees aren't important, the IMAGE is!

really, after all of this there isn't much else to get your business rolling. everything should fall into place (that is, fall apart). a great fortune depends on luck, a small one on diligence.

good luck!

underachievers of the world unite

i find that intelligence is a joke, everyone thinks of it as a joke, and pass the title around freely to anyone who can quote shakespeare or know nutritional facts about apricots.

i think i feel my brain becoming jelly, caught in the daily grind of work, and i wonder if i'll ever get it to firm back up again. i am out of my element in every setting.
no one wants to have real conversations anymore, everyone just wants to talk about movies, or music, or other things that have no deep meaning at all. we, as humans, take what we are fed and don't delve into the 'how' or 'why'

isn't anyone interested in 'why'

doesn't anyone feel it's important to dissect what we're given, or what we "know"

we know nothing.

i am so out of place,
and this is why friends are fast and fleeting elements of my life,
i am only interested in the same things as everyone else if i'm drunk and my brain is on 'stand-by.'

"there is no greater suffering than being an angel in hell. whereas a devil is comfortable no matter where he goes. damnation forgives everything and permits anything"

there are too many questions swirling and intertwining in my brain,
and all i can do is stand in a coffee shop pouring coffee and ponder on how i could roast my own or make my own tea, or just learn something new, ANYTHING new

there's so much in this world,
it's maddening, the sheer grandiosity of it all...